At the altar of our weakness

At the altar of our failed intentions, we kneel.

At the altar of our weakness, tears pool in the iris of failed dreams.

In the windowless attic of our intentions we prayed.  We schemed, we planned.  We embraced ideals of ourselves.  We gathered words and will to create a perfect self, a self dazzling like a rainbow from the heavens.

We resolved.  We shall no longer do this, and that, and this!  We shall no longer stumble and fall.  We shall instead approach our desires and fears with common sense.  We shall cut a knife through our weakness.  We shall start anew, afresh. 

We shall not smoke, we shall not drink, we shall not gamble, we shall not fall in love so recklessly with the wrong ones, we shall not think negative thoughts, we shall not judge, we shall not, we shall not, we shall not…

We shall do everything right, instead!  We shall dance with our hearts!  We shall worship the divine in every ant, every snub, every blow.  We shall think so positively that we attract only the positive, only glowing life, only delighted song.  We shall swim in the oceans of life, free, without hesitation.  We shall embody what we glimpse in the attic of our intention so fully that Life itself thanks us for getting it all right, for our altars to the heart, the body, the mind!

Yet here we are again, on our knees at the altar of our weakness.  Our intentions lie scattered like wind-blown scraps of dreams around our feet.  We’ve reached again for the cigarette of our shame.  We’ve grasped where our fist should have opened.  We’ve fallen where we might stand straight.  We’ve suckled pleasure, we’ve turned from pain, even when the little inner voice whispered, “The moon lies this way–”

Tears fall on our empty altar.  Our knees ache with failed dreams.

At the altar of our weakness we rest our forehead on emptiness.  There is nothing left to utter.  We know ourselves too well.  We know we cannot be saved by intention alone.

We cannot be saved by intention alone.

We cannot be saved by intention alone.

As this mantra chants, the heart flutters like a chrysalis.  In our self-pronouned failure, in our shame, a great love kindles.  We feel humanity in our bones, our cells, our organs.  We begin to sense patterns larger than ourselves forming intentions larger than ourselves…

We discover a great love for humanity kindling in our breast, a love which includes everything imperfect we’ve subtly shunned.  Our judgments fall away, like waterfalls racing down an open river. 

We surrender at the altar, surrender anew, to something bigger than ourselves, something shining from the altar.  The divine pulses.  It encompasses All.

We still make intentions.  We still aim our canoe down the river.  Yet the intentions feel lighter, fuller now.  We carry surrender in our craft, as well as desire.  We carry trust, as well as fear.

We embrace the depths of our weakness, as well as the eagle soaring effortlessly in the cloudless sky above.

Grace joins us as we fly in all our imperfect perfection.

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22 thoughts on “At the altar of our weakness

    • Thank you, Shanel. I think of all of us sometimes struggling with our humanity and divinity. How do we allow it all? So raw, so real. It is my prayer for all of us.

    • Ha ha, I THINK I know who you are! Luckily, the last cigarette I smoked was at age 16 when I stole one from the house where I babysat. I smoked it and coughed outrageously and wondered WHY in the heck would anyone smoke cigarettes? Loving you, too, especially if you are who I think you might be. 🙂

  1. The renewed hope, renewed strength ~ Life moving forward in us as we embrace our humanity, this school of many moments…we ARE perfect in our weakness. I feel that my weakness IS residing in the depths of me. I must dive in time to time, let them speak to me, like we touched on before ~ integrating…Love you so much Kathy. Tender Huggs of Appreciation, Jeannie

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