Not supposed to be here.

Rattlesnake bean

I am not supposed to be here.

Not supposed to be on-line.

The Mind dictated:  “Off you go!”

I am cheating.

I am not obeying.

(Who is not obeying?  And why?)

Here is what I  believe.  What I do not say publically.

I do not believe we are a Unified Self.

I do not believe we are Who We Say We Are.

I do not believe Thoughts.  Thoughts keep the self alive.

I do not believe beliefs.  (Beliefs do not believe beliefs?) Beliefs keep the self alive.

I do not believe that we are individuals, even thought 99.9% of us yearns to be individuals.  Convinced that we are individuals.

I do not believe the inner voice that decides, that dictates.

I do not believe (and this is anarchy) that there is such a thing as an individual.

If you believe in individuality, please unsubscribe from this blog.  Please go elsewhere.  Find yourself a haven where other so-called individuals think you exist.  Please. 

If you think you are an individual, please peer closer at yourself–without the veil of thoughts which insist that you are a person who has existed since 1957 (or whenever you think you’ve existed).  Please abandon what you think you of yourself.  Look out over the swamp, out over the beaver-moving swamp, and try to separate yourself from the wet smell of beavers, sticks, sunlight, wood ticks.  If you can separate yourself, ask:  is a thought?  If it’s a thought, look again.

Dive in the swamp.  I dare you.  Even though it’s April and damn cold–dive in.  Hold your freezing breath as long as you can.  When you emerge…

…I swear you won’t argue with yourself again.

Sneaking off now. 

I’m not supposed to be here. 

The Mind says.

Diving beneath the branches now and not emerging until—-


6 thoughts on “Not supposed to be here.

  1. Edgy Kath! Amen to all of it!

    If it is all God including the thoughts and beliefs, it is just the divine infinite believing beliefs, believing thoughts, believing in individuals, etc…

    No problem with this unless…. your in the barrel being tossed about. If so, know you are not alone. There are those of us (some not all), when we glimpse realization find that we get a ticket to the divine ass whoopin.

    Don’t know if that is what is happening there or not? Your writings suggest so. If so, you and I might want to talk.

    From the Barrel! =:oO

  2. Kathy, I won’t be unsubscribing any day soon 🙂

    Smiling ( for now) as I read Ben’s comment about a ticket to a divine ass whoopin. Have experienced the reality? (or unreality?) of this more than once…….


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