Hi ho Silver~~Stay~~

Free

Learning to be more deeply aware of feeling. 

Raw feeling bubbling at the core of us, like stew simmering in a rich broth.

Noticing the ways, like old rutted paths, that I unconsciously push away feelings which hurt, ache, cry, despair, anger, suffer.

Subtle ways the carrots or celery or onions refuse to soften, even with flame.

Settling deeper into these renegade feelings.  Allowing, allowing them to surface, to be.

As if watching a play, witnessing them enter center stage and depart through left curtain.  Feeling, feeling them deeply without naming, trying to figure out. 

How many minutes in a lifetime do we spend trying to package our challenged feelings in boxes sealed with duct tape?  How many minutes do we ponder, ponder, ponder, until we’ve corralled the wild horses of our mind into fences, deciding interpretation of galloping messages in order to resolve for future stampedes? 

I’ve tamed dozens of stallions and mares in this wild pasture of Mind.  Yet now the effort of taming and understanding feels unnecessary.  Let the wild ponies run free.  I shall watch them, all day if necessary, curled fetal if required, dodging hooves in the mud.

Look at the arbutus blooming in the mud as the wild horses prance!  Look at the pinto rearing on hind legs overhead! 

Roll over gracefully, brush yourself off, and gracefully lope over to the fence.  Gaze at the snow-covered mountains.

I will meet you, dear feelings, in this pasture as we grow old together and allow you to graze on rich grasses spiked with sage and mint.

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8 thoughts on “Hi ho Silver~~Stay~~

  1. Hi Kathy,
    You have beautifully captured the landscape of emotions and feelings. Actually, very true, right from the childhood we are taught to hide our feelings, emotions which may be taboo. When these emotions are given expression, only then we experience our true self.
    Good thoughts. Keep it up.

  2. So resonating. My new way, which has simply emerged, is to note them as full and rich in the now, and then my attention seems to go to something else, though it might return to one of those feelings in the future.

    As in the constant movement in the Tai Chi “Form” I let each go completely, moving into the next Now. I no longer feel I have to “do anything about” any feeling. They are only RESPONSES to externals or particulars. They are not what abides. I note each as another precious part of the precious Now!!

    Also, some time ago I discovered a most helpful viewpoint about ALL my feelings, but it’s been most useful about the unpleasant ones. I seem by nature to be quite “devotional” in my approach to spiritual matters (Ken Wilber helped me see the value of first-person, second-person and third-person experiences of The Ineffable Mystery: God as me, as you, and as “it.”)

    So it was moving and helpful for me to regard those feelings as experiences “I” have CHOSEN to have, in order to enrich the experience of the One Awareness we all are, contributing to the exhilaration of the power of creation to create, contributing to the awe of the Created for that.

    I say something like: I offer this experience to all of us, to the All, as an act of worship and devotion. This is “my’ gift to “you.” (From the first and third person perspectives, such language makes no sense, but that’s fine. It is still a wonderful perspective which arises and is accepted.)

    That does wonders to reduce any suffering and any judgment ABOUT having those feelings!!! They are simply offerings from devotion.

    So yes, I recognize what you are saying, Kathy, loving the metaphors!!

  3. And and and, I still “inquire” into them with an eye to moving out of whatever illusion is giving rise to them, into the truth of that particular matter, which completes their purpose for existing in the first place, which allows them to dissolve.

    Those steps of inquiry, discovering of illusion, remembering of truth, seem to be natural — and helpful to my Quality of Life!!

  4. Thank you, Seema, Elisa and OM. To allow our emotions to rise, to not supress them, to not feel ashamed, to inquire, to see the arising illusion, and to perceive the gifts~~this at times takes courage, dilligence and commitment, I think.

  5. Feelings that are unexpressed are like those depressing pony rides I see at county fairs: trapped, yearning for escape, lost creatures afraid to lift their eyes.

  6. Kathy, resonating so very much. And yes, the willingness to do this work and the courage and the gifts.

    Your words have moved me this morning…….

  7. Aubrey, I am starting to learn more about galloping with those feelings through the wide-open prairies of possibility and freedom. Colleen, it so often feels like some painful feelings are almost too painful to allow to surface. And yet, when they arise, it’s amazing how they start to shimmer and pang and dissolve. Impossible, we think, but it’s true.
    Thank you both.

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