Seek and ye shall find

Seek and ye shall find

I am trying to live on the razor’s edge of this present moment. 

Three hours later, I awake to discover that an entire dream has arisen like a shroud,  like a fog over the lake, with the present moment far in the background, like a corn field obscured by mist. 

You vow with your life to remain in this now, you’ve done it before, you can do it again…

…and six hours later you remember, suddenly remember, and now your footsteps fall quietly on smooth cool wooden floors.  Leaves shimmer in late afternoon sunlight.  Someone knocks on the door.  Your fingers type against the keyboard.  You sip tea.  It’s back, like it never left, your true love, your guru, everything you desired.

In this present moment, in this cusp, it’s very clear.  You look at the spruce tree and no separation exists.  You/spruce/One.  How could it be unlaced, unintertwined, undone?  Perception and other dance together, your true soulmate.

You feel the branches riding the wind–yourself, itself, ever-swaying–and realize that your identification with name cuts, slices and separates you from this precious magic knowing and you–

–wake up two hours later to smell the brocoli sizzling in cast iron skillet, soft sunlight dappling the kitchen counter, hummingbird buzzing the jeweled feeder.  And you are all of it.

And then you’re not as you respond to emails, identifying so fully with Kathy or Laurie or Elisa or Colleen or whoever you are, or aren’t, or maybe you don’t don those self clothes, that self mask, that separate identity that both rises and falls, sings and grows silent, picks morel mushrooms or can’t find them, showers or bathes, calls yourself Democrat or Republican or Independent, or shares on Facebook or deletes your account–

but, oh sweet song, when we lean down to the earth fully seeing rising mushroom, fully present with redwing blackbird eyes and beaver teeth and sun-drenched hair, one movement, one eternity, one everything in the million songs rising and falling, rising and falling, rising and falling against the eternity of awareness, the All that we always are before we peer under the magnifying glass at that slice called self.

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4 thoughts on “Seek and ye shall find

  1. There are so many moments and for each human, the individual space and ability to hold it, process it, and then deal with it, express it, or feel it–or all of these. What I choose or happen to focus upon is my ‘now’. No one else would see it so. Though, they could share a time with me and perhaps come close. If I focused upon flowers in my now, and neglected to notice that my lover wanted me right there, to my lover I would not be in the now, I’d be in fru fru land hehehe. I like your use of razor, I’m often feeling as if I have to give up some now or focus, in order to attend other things. Sometimes it cuts painfully to know that I cannot recreate a thing, that by my choice of attention and noticing nature, I have also chosen NOT to see something else.

    • I agree! Our now is like no one else’s now. I think Presence itself decides what it wants to look at–the flowers or the lover. But sometimes it’s our unintegrated emotional charges that direct us towards reaction after reaction after reaction. We look to the lover 5,000,000 and ignore the flower–even though Presence’s eye might want to look at the flower–because we’re caught in an unconscious charge. Today’s thought, anyway. Thank you for commenting.

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