Bicker-bicker

After witnessing people argue endlessly on an on-line spiritual site, and then here in the off-line world, and stressing at their stress, and wondering why it can’t be different, and how come we all can’t just get along, and even writing a few paragraphs attempting to explain this so people would just get it~~

I settled down to see what lessons might be lurking within for yours truly.  Since I’m the one disturbed by the bicker-bicker noise, there must be a truth hiding within.  What might it be?  What might it be?

You know how you eat an apple?  You bite past the red crunchy exterior to the sweet or tart white fruit within.  That’s how we can dive into ourselves, too.  Past the exterior of bicker-bicker to the emotional charge which sparks beneath like an electrical wire sizzling on the earth.

I am learning, like a baby, how to simply be with raw feeling, emotion.  So truly be present with that wire jumpin’ helter skelter like the earth is something foreign and painful instead of sacred ground.

What is the lesson hiding out in bicker-bicker?  What is it for me?  (For you it will be something different, or perhaps you’ve already resolved and integrated this one.)

I feel the hurt for long minutes, hours perhaps.  Wash dishes, dry dishes.  Still feeling bicker-bicker as the charge it is, the pain, the suffering. 

Mumbling, “Why can’t they just let everyone be?  Why is it always an attack and a defense, a mini-war?  Why can’t they see the difference?”

And then it hits, like the way you clap your hand against the side of your head with great ah-ha feeling rushing through every pore.

I get it.

I suddenly see how I have wanted the world to be different, to be this endless loving presence, this bicker-less getting along.  I have expected the world to eventually conform to a standard of wine & roses, no more wars, of pink sunsets staining the horizon, Happily Ever After, everything turning out better than OK.

Even though part of me disagrees with this ah-ha moment (the part that had already applied this to other parts of life).  Once again, fighting against “what is” reveals itself to be an amazing waste of energy.

Ah ha.  Bicker-bicker exists.  People will express their opinions and other people will shout, “NO!  NO!  You are so wrong!”   Other people will gather to exclaim, “YES!  YES!  You are so right!”

Because we must see, truly must see, where our hearts won’t embrace it all.  The bicker-bicker will go on until we’ve thrown our arms around every last bit of it.  Accepted what is.  Even if it’s bicker-bicker.  Even the bicker-bicker inside ourselves.  Especially ourselves.

And who knows?  I believe–(“Oh I have a dream, Martin Luther King”) that when our acceptance gets big enough perhaps something will shift.  Perhaps we’ll simply let our guns and arrows drop to the ground and sip tea together.

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14 thoughts on “Bicker-bicker

  1. Well you certainly aren’t alone Kath! This has been a difficult one here as well.

    Let me ask this. What wants to accept the world as it is?

    In my case, what wanted to accept the world was what couldn’t possibly accept the world… my beliefs, views, opinions, evaluations, and all other thoughts about the way it should be.

    I suffered long and hard over this and much less so today. But if suffering wants to come up, then o.k. There is not a problem with it… now. It just has to be that way… obviously.

    I had to fail. My thoughts, beliefs, practices, insights, spiritual paths, and solutions had to completely fail for something new and fresh to enter that is always here.

    Fortunately, there is an exquisite nothing or awareness “before” the 1st thought, belief, or opinion arises that has already accepted what is. It doesn’t require that I accept or not accept anything. I can do either, both, or none.

    How do I know that? I don’t “know it”. Just looking around. Life allows all manner of diversity and duality including much that my humanness doesn’t like. To say it shouldn’t be there would be to argue with the reality of what appears.

    Unconditional Love includes stuff my viewpoints don’t like. Darn. :O)))

    I find this priorness or awareness or suchness (choose a descriptor) contains the beliefs, thoughts, opinions, acceptance and non acceptance.

    Not only that…. it couldn’t care less (is impersonal) regarding whether my human side gets riled about it or not.

    It allows everything unconditionally including my humanness that has requirements.

    It is not of this world while our humaness is. It is clear and changeless. So we are in the world, but not of it… naturally. AND… I don’t get to be special or profound. Shoot!

    Unfortunately, what is seen here is the human being gets absolutely nothing out of this… and as Adyashanti would say, it is an exquisite nothing. All the pressure is off. We are free to all our humanness and what contains it.

    I recommend not trusting me on this. ;o) Flopping around, resisting, arguing, railing, and suffering are very good teachers.

    • Sitting still and feeling the truth it your words~~and smiling that Suchness completely unconditionally already encompasses both acceptance and non-acceptance. Honoring that which brought you to this knowing. Honoring the deeper “being with” that is tenderly encompassing my own emotional charges. Blessings, Ben.

  2. I’ve been closing conflict producing and baiting items myself(and then jumping for the ones that interest me). I do tend to like walking alongside, which does and can mean seeing and hearing viewpoints that might at some times have me wishing to caress and languish, while at other times simply stop walking and delete a person or a thing from my existence.

    I think, this is why I do not agree with the idea of One, as humans, more of late, tend to be using it. One=Borg. God differentiated us, even within ourselves for a reason. I figure out that reason over and over and over again. Then, I see it in a million faces, a million reflections and I have to check out the list of reasons and watch how those things end up along the spiral that is life–or is me, I’m not sure yet.

    Part says….well, go do something else silly, something unrelated.

    Another says…oooooooo maybe THIS one you should STAND your ground!

    Another thinks of Hitler and well a lot of things, particularly that no one could or would or knew how or when to STAND THEIR GROUND before huge damage could be done. And, if I choose to do it myself, and I hold me up to Hitler, am I him?

    Last one, I can think of now, says….gosh I’d really like to get a better rounded view of the bickerer, so that I can make better choices, in case I’m just reacting to words or tone and so on.

    Waving hand wildly…..and if I’m perfect and can accept every last ALL, that would be the serial killer and the cult abuser…wouldn’t it? Sigh.

    • I love that you bring it back to the differentiation of us, again and again, Elisa. Our unique human-ness, our specialness, and even that damn serial killer and cult abuser. And Hitler himself.

      I must admit to liking both notions, that of Oneness and Uniqueness. And then whenever I get too enamoured of one side~~the world rushes in to tip the scales to remember the other!

      Oneness, lately, to me, feels just like Presence or Awareness or that encompassment that includes all the diversity. It feels crisp and clear and not sticky amorphous merging all-encompassing. It feels like what you see when you look out the window. The everything. The eyes which are seeing everything, or at least the flower or lover.

      I love that something in me relaxed today and feels accepting of the bicker-bicker. It feels whole. It feels like the view out the window even though a tree has toppled over by the ferocity of the wind. Nobody is blaming the wind for its bickering. 🙂

  3. Marvelous blog and comments!!! What Ben was describing I call “zooming out” one more layer or level, to accept the non-acceptance and the acceptance.

    The Big Zoomout is an ultimate which does encompass all the diversity. But to me also it isn’t what you (Kathy) called “sticky amorphous merging all-encompassing’ — my wording for that is “it isn’t homogenized milk.”

    The All-encompassing to me answers the classic dilemma or mis-interpretation which Elisa was referring to: “Oh well then I must be a doormat and approve anything and everything.” Heck no! Our outrage at various things ALSO EXISTS and has JUST AS MUCH validity as anything else.

    On the ultimate level, everything IS and is precious thereby. However, on the Quality of Life level, on the level in which our humanity exists, there are many things we will seek to change, including Hitler and bickering!!! They are not unspiritual, they are not not-God, they are not outside the Oneness.

    But they ARE harmful and inappropriate to the nature of our living humanness. They are detrimental to full aliveness. They do flow from a more limited awareness which we can seek to expand. Why can we? Because we can!! And we do!! Why do we? Because we do!!!

    It’s really hard to wrap one’s brain around that ultimate zoom-out which includes EV ERY TH ING which arises.

    IT doesn’t fall on one side or another, that is the light-dark mistaken interpretation. It is the Light beyond light-dark. It includes we who fall on one side or the other. The paradox or multiple-level thingy is challenging to many to accept.

    “God is good” is so hammered into us. Then we begin to glimpse “Hmmmm. God is good and evil. God is beyond good and evil. It is WE who have ‘eaten from the fruit of the tree’ and BELIEVE we “KNOW” what is good and evil. And within God, even that is beyond good and evil.”

    The whole thing “implodes” eventually, which is why laughter often happens when that implosion dawns on our awareness….

    IMO BTW the either-or thinking, which doesn’t allow bickering, is the attempt to be “spiritually correct,” and to achieve the spiritual goal by imitating folks who are already there. It never works… In fact it only leads to feeling like a spiritual failure, “Why can’t I accept bickering?”

    That we can accept bickering even from within our human point of view, is fabulous, and is highly desirable and beneficial on the Quality of Life level. But it isn’t the same as the ultimate zoom-out.

    The “spiritually correct” imitative approach comes IMO basically from organized institutionalized religion which says you are supposed to strive, but never arrive. Imitate, but don’t actually BE.

    And of course there is some basis in life for imitating in order to become. I just don’t think it works re this quantum leap in zoom-out.

    Gosh, sorry, I didn’t expect to rant on like this, but this issue is a classic one I encounter over and over and over and over and over in my ministry. All the views expressed above. And the human I has much distress about the suffering induced by misunderstandings, and wishes to help alleviate that wherever I can!!!

    Love to all of you, so great to be in such awesome conversations with such awesome folks!
    OM

    • I agree with you 100%, OM. OK, maybe not 100%, but enough percentage that nothing arises about which to bicker. 🙂 This issue IS a sticky one, and it gets confusing at times, both experiencing and expressing it.

      Another thing I think is interesting. I would have thought until recently that I had basically realized everything that you expressed here. But there are layers upon layers which arise to be integrated. Layers of non-acceptance intermingling with layers of acceptance.

      I have never worked specifically with the emotional layer–and this is the layer that is helping penetrate areas that I thought I mentally totally understood.

      It is good to feel all your expressions. Love, kathy

    • “The All-encompassing to me answers the classic dilemma or mis-interpretation which Elisa was referring to: ‘Oh well then I must be a doormat and approve anything and everything’.”

      Thank you for pointing out to me, that in your own eyes and from the words you have chosen, I must have some issues communicating. I will attempt to re-send the message.

      I will assert again that I have no dilemma nor did I mis-interpret myself. I spoke for and from me, and no one else. And, though I pondered it, I have NO idea how you came to the conclusion that I said anything about Doormats.

      I must also state that while I do not agree with you about a concept of levels, nor full awareness or limited awareness. I find such labels and buzzwords to equate to better than or less than. And using them affirms, rather than frees, from the very ideas the concepts are meant to pretty up and make to be what they are not. I do walk alongside of you to see how you think and what you will share of me of yourself, what comes from within.

      In choosing to do it, I get to see those who are what they say. I respect that, even when I do not happen to agree.

      • I have been pondering your dislike for the words “levels”, Elisa, and see what you mean. (Even though part of me adores concepts like levels and layers. Like onion skins, peeling off.) Thank you for allowing me to discover the part of myself that now sees that these can be concepts that separate, too.

  4. P.S. That comment may have been a little more succinct if I didn’t have all these wood ticks crawling over me from the latest walk in the woods! Yikes! Catch and release…

  5. Sorry for any miscommunication on MY part, Elisa.

    I wasn’t assuming you personally believed what I thought you were saying…. I wasn’t attributing any dilemmas or misinterpretings to you.

    I meant to convey that I was speaking about what your words had evoked in me as response to them. Not necessarily about you or what you had directly said. I guess I didn’t make “That reminds me of…..” clear enough.

    I myself don’t have any “better than/worse than” associations or equation to seeing levels, or limited/full distinctions. Those are just metaphors anyway.

    I use them not as ‘buzzwords’ but to communicate with people for whom I believe those words have some recognizable meaning that’s more or less related to what I think I mean. Saves writing a whole paragraph that many would find boring….

    Communicating in black squiggles on white space sure does have its challenges…..

    Kathy, yes yes and oh yes. There seems to be no end to the increasing “saturation” going on. Spirals, never-ending spirals, I guess!!!!

  6. Kathy, I so resonate with your words…… fighting against what is, resisting, reveals itself over and over again to be an amazing waste of energy……

    I get tired just thinking about it 🙂

    • Colleen, I feel like I am witnessing raw energy and restistance and flow at such an intimate level. Learning new things every day. Watching the fighting against what is, and then the flowing with it. Feeling tired thinking about it, and then not. Not really being able to articulate much and feeling a bit frustrated trying to articulate it. But the language of emotion and energy doesn’t always seem to translate well into words. Alas. I appreciate you, so much, too.

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