Meditation arises every moment.
Emotion sparks: Rage!
Most people (including me) often attempt to push anger away, thinking it should disappear NOW. Shame on it for arising. (The ego spouts judgments like: if I were just wiser, more spiritual, a better person…this feeling would not, should not, arise.)
Today I simply watched rage arise with its unexpected paralyzing force.
Fury, sparks, wild anger!
Blue Cross and the hospital–demons, both! How dare they bill us for $2,479.00 yet again when we’ve met our $6,000.00 deductible? How dare, how dare? Have been on the phone hours already with hospital and insurance company alike and everyone agrees it’s inaccurate. The latest kind & lovely representatives assured a re-billing would solve this problem once and for all.
Yet, this morning, horrors: another Blue Cross bill for the same amount!
Pure, hot, white.
Meditation arose simultaneously to watch, to feel, to deeply experience.
Here’s what happened in slow motion:
Deep fire heat of feeling coursing through body, rising from gut, exploding toward brain in white heat.
Accompanying litany of inner despair. Seeing reaction. Feeling frustration, inadequacy, loss of control. Witnessing beneath the reaction to deep sadness.
A total body encompassing of emotion, being exquisitely present with it.
Presence wrapping its invisible arms around anger.
Anger subsides, disappears altogether, leaving no residue, no trace.
Gone, gone, gone, maybe two minutes after its rising.
Even a subtle pushing away of rage will stoke the embers of anger and bring it sixfold back into consciousness. What we resist, persists.
Anger may arise again, or again, or again, or maybe it’s off playing somewhere else.
Meeting anger as a friend, finding love within rage: there’s a hidden gift in everything we want to annihilate.
Have you found a gift lately wrapped within an unwanted emotion?