Not knowing

Where cliff meets water

What part of you WANTS to be attached to this human experience?

Doesn’t want to witness life?  Doesn’t want to embrace spirituality, awareness, non-duality, Oneness?  (Especially Oneness.  What part of you detests Oneness because you know, just know, that Life is Variety, Life is Spice, Life is a million songs awaiting a million singers?  Life is a million stories awaiting a million characters, aren’t they all amusing, awful, beautiful, amazing, terrible, adoring?)

What part wants to encompass life, BE life, be a personality, be a human being having this human experience?

What part of you says very assuredly, I SHALL be a human being with wants, desires, preferences, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, ideas, weaknesses, strengths, horoscopes and life-tendencies?

(Of course you spiritual folks have met your inner rebel, haven’t you?  The part which refuses to become enlightened and would rather stab  you in the back than let you Realize What You Are in this very moment.)

Until you meet this part of self and invite her to dinner, you’re bound to stay personality-bound without the slightest notion that you’re everything you perceive, backwards and forwards, perfectly complete.

I don’t think I like the part of me enough that wants to be human.

At other times, all I do is insist–again, and again, and yet again–that we must not forsake our humanity!  We must bring forth our precious selves, our precious personalities, our precious sticks and stones, to the altar of Everything, yes, we must, again and again.

Sometimes I suffer because someone reads both the preceding paragraphs and assumes that I am only one half the equation, that I am not both the one who suffers and doesn’t suffer, the one who believes and doesn’t believe, the one both human and spirit, the one longing to jump into the Abyss and the one who has already leaped.

I am the one attached to this human experience…and the one who isn’t.

I do realize, and don’t realize it.

Can you accept the totality in me?

Can you accept the totality in yourself?

I can…and I can’t.  Over and over again.


8 thoughts on “Not knowing

  1. Over and over again, yes. Having had a profound experience of holding every single bit of creation as infinitely precious, I feel stronger in accepting the diversity. Actually, I err on the diversity side; that experience helped me be the One regarding all of Me as INFINITELY precious.

    BTW there is a contemporary spiritual teacher who is excellent at talking about the melding of the unique and the One, his name is Marc Gafni, and his concept is The Unique Self. An internet search will turn up writings. I don’t know that he embodies all his teachings, but the teachings are an excellent antidote to too much “Homogenized Milk” “Oneness” teachings!!
    Love to you Kathy for your so wondrous expressions of your own Unique Self!!

    • Thank you, OM, I have NOT heard of Marc Gafni and hope to remember your comment here until I get home so I can look him up. Glad you err on the diversity side….at least PART of me is glad of that. 🙂 Thank your own Uniqueness, always.

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