Just unearthed this blog post written in mid January. Perhaps now is the appropriate time to share it, even though it still uses terms like “awake” and “asleep”. (I am still asking the Universe if new language might freshly express the shift which occurs when one’s identity expands beyond primary preoccupation with the personal self.)
*For new readers, this blog addresses non-duality, awareness and self-realization. For long-time subscribers: if you are not really interested in these topics, feel free to unsubscribe. You will not hurt my feelings. Conversely, if any hurt feelings arise, they will be allowed to rise and dissolve, as all feelings eventually do without a story to hold them together…
If you haven’t read the previous post about Waking Up, it may prove helpful to click on that blog first. Otherwise you might not get the proper context. (However, you may not want proper context. If that’s the case, don’t move an inch and keep reading.)
In this half awake, half personality-identified state it is very interesting to notice new dynamics at work.
In the personality-identified state (complete with desires and fears which spat or fuss or war in the human psyche, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) one feels the need to decide.
A thought arises: I must do such-and-such. Let’s say you want to do a detox program and start juicing and eating fruits and vegetables and eliminate potential toxins/allergens from your system. A second thought arises: No, I can’t do this with company coming. A third thought: I can’t live without my coffee. A fourth thought: What will the husband eat? How can I make a second meal for him? A fifth thought: No, it will be too hard. A sixth thought: No, it will be worthwhile. A seventh thought…and the thoughts go on and on, explaining and arguing and offering new suggestions as thoughts usually do.
If the thoughts are in the foreground and if we’re believing them–and if our sense of self is any way connected with them–we will begin to experience all sorts of emotions. Anxiety, hope, dread, delight, yes, no, maybe so, oh let’s just forget the whole thing.
Telling someone to do “what their deepest self wants” is simply unkind because how do we fathom the deepest self’s will amidst all the yes and no voices?
When the personality has lost many of its harnesses and ropes what remains?
The Universe remains. Call it God, awareness, “this”, “that”, Presence, here, now. That’s what remains of us. (Depending how deeply we’ve grasped this down in our pelvis, that is. If we’re still identified with personality we may still be running on our conditioning.)
If a thought arises in an awakened moment we most likely witness it or encompass it without losing our self in it. The thought is perceived. Then we wait–or maybe don’t wait–until the Universe supplies the appropriate response.
There is no person making the decision in that case. The Universe determines if it’s appropriate. If we find our self writing down shopping lists or going to the grocery list and picking up broccoli and smoothie ingredients then, yep, it appears as if that’s what’s happening.
Or we might discover the self witnessing the mind engaging in a skirmish of yes/no without knowing what to do about it. We prevaricate in our thoughts. We watch our thoughts agonize, but we don’t really attach to the degree previously conditioned. Until the Universe reaches for the broccoli.
Beneath our conditioning there is a very simple answer to our endless conundrums. There is a feeling sense that knows what we’re to do next. One waits until the feeling sense informs action. We don’t move an inch until it speaks.
The feeling sense has been buried beneath the wanting/desiring/aversion/suffering for most of our lives. But now it’s simple. The body, mind and feelings all work together to point us in the next direction. And it’s so often kind, so often so much more appropriate than what the mind might imagine.
(Excuse me. There is a general body feeling of achiness right now. It’s time to leave the computer. It knows more than I do. Ta ta…)