Who decides?

Just unearthed this blog post written in mid January.  Perhaps now is the appropriate time to share it, even though it still uses terms like “awake” and “asleep”.  (I am still asking the Universe if new language might freshly express the shift which occurs when one’s identity expands beyond primary preoccupation with the personal self.)

*For new readers, this blog addresses non-duality, awareness and self-realization.  For long-time subscribers:  if you are not really interested in these topics, feel free to unsubscribe.  You will not hurt my feelings.  Conversely, if any hurt feelings arise, they will be allowed to rise and dissolve, as all feelings eventually do without a story to hold them together…



If you haven’t read the previous post about Waking Up, it may prove helpful to click on that blog first.  Otherwise you might not get the proper context.  (However, you may not want proper context.  If that’s the case, don’t move an inch and keep reading.)

In this half awake, half personality-identified state it is very interesting to notice new dynamics at work.

In the personality-identified state (complete with desires and fears which spat or fuss or war in the human psyche, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) one feels the need to decide.

A thought arises:  I must do such-and-such.  Let’s say you want to do a detox program and start juicing and eating fruits and vegetables and eliminate potential toxins/allergens from your system.  A second thought arises:  No, I can’t do this with company coming.  A third thought:  I can’t live without my coffee.  A fourth thought:  What will the husband eat?  How can I make a second meal for him?  A fifth thought:  No, it will be too hard.  A sixth thought:  No, it will be worthwhile.  A seventh thought…and the thoughts go on and on, explaining and arguing and offering new suggestions as thoughts usually do.

If the thoughts are in the foreground and if we’re believing them–and if our sense of self is any way connected with them–we will begin to experience all sorts of emotions.  Anxiety, hope, dread, delight, yes, no, maybe so, oh let’s just forget the whole thing.

Telling someone to do “what their deepest self wants” is simply unkind because how do we fathom the deepest self’s will amidst all the yes and no voices?

When the personality has lost many of its harnesses and ropes what remains?

The Universe remains.  Call it God, awareness, “this”, “that”, Presence, here, now.  That’s what remains of us.  (Depending how deeply we’ve grasped this down in our pelvis, that is.  If we’re still identified with personality  we may still be running on our conditioning.)

If a thought arises in an awakened moment we most likely witness it or encompass it without losing our self in it.  The thought is perceived.  Then we wait–or maybe don’t wait–until the Universe supplies the appropriate response.

There is no person making the decision in that case.  The Universe determines if it’s appropriate.  If we find our self writing down shopping lists or going to the grocery list and picking up broccoli and smoothie ingredients then, yep, it appears as if that’s what’s happening.

Or we might discover the self witnessing the mind engaging in a skirmish of yes/no without knowing what to do about it.  We prevaricate in our thoughts.  We watch our thoughts agonize, but we don’t really attach to the degree previously conditioned.  Until the Universe reaches for the broccoli.

Beneath our conditioning there is a very simple answer to our endless conundrums.  There is a feeling sense that knows what we’re to do next.  One waits until the feeling sense informs action.  We don’t move an inch until it speaks.

The feeling sense has been buried beneath the wanting/desiring/aversion/suffering for most of our lives.  But now it’s simple.  The body, mind and feelings all work together to point us in the next direction.  And it’s so often kind, so often so much more appropriate than what the mind might imagine.

(Excuse me.  There is a general body feeling of achiness right now.  It’s time to leave the computer.  It knows more than I do.  Ta ta…)


4 thoughts on “Who decides?

  1. Bravo! You and I are hitting on the same cylinders Kath. Loved this quote….

    “Telling someone to do “what their deepest self wants” is simply unkind because how do we fathom the deepest self’s will amidst all the yes and no voices?”

    Amen Sister… and to my chagrin, I have done it…. A LOT in my life.

    What is seeing here is that conditioning gets tweaked by events, thoughts, sensations etc and attention contracts around what it is perceiving. Then starts all the spin you so aptly refer to Kath.

    Watching or seeing as it is happening the contraction around the thoughts, events, sensations, whatever then what arises is this quote….

    “Beneath our conditioning there is a very simple answer to our endless conundrums. There is a feeling sense that knows what we’re to do next. One waits until the feeling sense informs action. We don’t move an inch until it speaks.”

    Direct Hit here. It is what I am seeing as well, and beautifully described.

    So when the contraction of awareness or attention is noticed there is just leaving it alone. Most of the time it melts away with no action. Sometimes the feeling sense informs action, and sometimes some spontaneous word or deed arises and thought scratches it chin and wonders where that came from.

    This is partly what I mean by vulnerability.

    When you share your awakening experiences Kath, and that they come and go and the feeling of half a personality and not “I” experience that here as well. I can only say how moved and open hearted it makes me to see the magic happening as a regular old every day person with all my dents and flaws.

    This is another aspect of what I call vulnerability here. The humanness is all perfectly o.k. In fact, the willingness to fully inhabit that humanness really drops the separation and brings me so much closer to everyone.

    I am connecting with people on a feeling level that is very gentle and kind. It is an energetic connection. I am seeing the conditioning arising here and the automatic acting on it that has gone on for decades, and I can feel compassion for people because of it.

    And I can fully participate and play as human with all my perspectives, flaws, etc… And you know what? They are starting to make me smile even when I am really wrong or my conditioning is being kind of crazy or even unwise.

    I don’t want to be unwise or mean or unkind, or anything like that, but what you describe informs what is going on in this humanness and I don’t have to be so wrapped up in what the human being is saying and doing. I can say I don’t know so much more and I can hug someone even when they are being unreasonable because I just love the humanness (sometimes) just for it’s sweet intentions and the ways it can manifest.

    I can hold someone’s hand not because we agree on everything or are alike, but we are moved by the same process even if it manifests differently.

    It is like I am being re-wired and conditioned thought is being given a very gentle lesson in seeing through itself and I am being introduced to the wonder and spontaneity of life that I had as a very young lad (as memory tells it).

    Thoughts I have, others have, and things that used to send my conditioning into action just don’t have the same impact any more, and I get to see something new every day that often makes my heart sing,, but not always, and even that is not a requirement.

    The biggest relief for me this year so far is the seeing and the human learning and the trust arising that what will get done needs no additional help and if it does, it will be given. In truth no one decides and yet no one is willing to let someone think they do decide until….. something moves us not to.

    Loved The Post!

    Totally Moved By It If you Couldn’t Tell! 🙂

    Deep Bow!

    • Ben, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed your comment here. It really moved me, as well. Have read and re-read it several times. Love reading about your awakening and the parallels and similarities and different aspects the Universe nudges through each of us. I, too, have been feeling ever more compassionate after this latest go-round. Like you describe, feel our common-ness, our ground of being, our humanity. Many blessings to Life as it continues to shine its light so we can simultaneously see the All and the self dancing together.

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