Last Friday, after feelings of painful suffering and complete identity with the personality as an “I”…everything shifted once again.
Instead of viewing the world from the standpoint of an individual, this one now perceived reality from the perspective of awareness. Awareness itself was identity. Bubbles of thought, expanses of feeling, and sensations of body arose in awareness without a sense of belonging to a person. The person now expanded to limitless perception.
Everything seen, heard, touched, smelled and experienced was perceived as identity, even though, simultaneously, one was nothing.
Oneness seemed obvious because awareness is all there is–in its amazing diversity. The fiction of personality develops from believing thought/emotions which arise. It develops because we identify with the body and assume our separation from the field of awareness.
Awareness watched with amusement as thoughts struggled to regain some semblance of control. (Even typing that sentence is a bold-faced lie because amusement is a byproduct of awareness. Awareness did no such thing. A better description: Amusement arose as thoughts attempted to avoid a free fall of non-existence.)
Don Juan in the Carlos Castaneda books explains this in terms of assemblage points. He says that we’re fixated on a band of awareness, a certain assemblage point of perception. We see the world as humans complete with identity. We don’t usually have the ability to move our assemblage point and perceive in totally new ways.
In this tradition he describes one becomes a warrior in order to learn how to move the assemblage point. One aims to make this so fluid that one experiences total freedom.
What happened last Friday (and has occurred a handful of other times ) is that the assemblage point radically shifted. It shifted away from identity with usual perception and suddenly perceived the world in an entirely fresh limitless way.
(Our assemblage point sometimes shifts or wobbles at various junctures of our lives due to illness, stress, extreme delight and other causes. Often we’re totally unaware of shifts which occur.)
In this shift last Friday it became apparent that my previous viewpoint kept me limited to a separate point of view. There is a possibility, instead, of realizing that we’re everything we perceive. This radical freedom leaves one speechless. (Mostly because words tend to keep the assemblage point fixed.)
A deeper realization of this new position of the assemblage point reveals that awareness itself is love. I am only beginning to sense the radical implications of this. Awareness is love because it embraces everything it perceives in total acceptance, openness and allowing. This feels at the edge of explosion, this amazing love which has existed at the base of our perception all along.
Some people shift their assemblage point to this new perception and it stays in place. The process I’m experiencing is a gradual ability to hold the new awareness. There seems a strong pull of gravity which attempts to return to the position of our acculturation.
Last night, during another sleepless night in which the assemblage point wobbled continually and aimed toward re-identification I saw how it’s a choice in every moment. One can believe the thought and gravitate back toward an identity, or one can “see” or “feel” the larger field which never, ever wavers.
Other factors which help the assemblage point move to a new position may be: releasing personal history, dropping thoughts and sitting in “what is” or silence, and acting and responding in ways which keep the original personality fresh and unpredictable.
It’s only a thought that assemblage points exist. It’s only a thought that one moves anywhere. All of this is simply thought, so it’s not expressing the shift of the assemblage point. To say anything is to misrepresent what this is.
The gift of thought is that it keeps us in dream-form so we can perceive ourselves and the world from a narrow band of awareness. Spirit actually seems to delight in its dancing forms of expression, and it’s obvious, totally shocking, to discover that we’ve been Spirit all along.