Awareness as identity



Last Friday, after feelings of painful suffering and complete identity with the personality as an “I”…everything shifted once again.

Instead of viewing the world from the standpoint of an individual, this one now perceived reality from the perspective of awareness.  Awareness itself was identity.  Bubbles of thought, expanses of feeling, and sensations of body arose in awareness without a sense of belonging to a person.  The person now expanded to limitless perception.

Everything seen, heard, touched, smelled and experienced was perceived as identity, even though, simultaneously, one was nothing.

Oneness seemed obvious because awareness is all there is–in its amazing diversity.  The fiction of personality develops from believing thought/emotions which arise.  It develops because we identify with the body and assume our separation from the field of awareness.

Awareness watched with amusement as thoughts struggled to regain some semblance of control.  (Even typing that sentence is a bold-faced lie because amusement is a byproduct of awareness.  Awareness did no such thing.  A better description:  Amusement arose as thoughts attempted to avoid a free fall of non-existence.)

Don Juan in the Carlos Castaneda books explains this in terms of assemblage points.  He says that we’re fixated on a band of awareness, a certain assemblage point of perception.  We see the world as humans complete with identity.  We don’t usually have the ability to move our assemblage point and perceive in totally new ways.

In this tradition he describes one becomes a warrior in order to learn how to move the assemblage point.  One aims to make this so fluid that one experiences total freedom.

Free fall

Free fall

What happened last Friday (and has occurred a handful of other times ) is that the assemblage point radically shifted.  It shifted away from identity with usual perception and suddenly perceived the world in an entirely fresh limitless way.

(Our assemblage point sometimes shifts or wobbles at various junctures of our lives due to illness, stress, extreme delight and other causes.  Often we’re totally unaware of shifts which occur.)

In this shift last Friday it became apparent that my previous viewpoint kept me  limited to a separate point of view.  There is a possibility, instead, of realizing that we’re everything we perceive.  This radical freedom leaves one speechless.  (Mostly because words tend to keep the assemblage point fixed.)

A deeper realization of this new position of the assemblage point reveals that awareness itself is love.  I am only beginning to sense the radical implications of this.  Awareness is love because it embraces everything it perceives in total acceptance, openness and allowing.  This feels at the edge of explosion, this amazing love which has existed at the base of our perception all along.

Some people shift their assemblage point to this new perception and it stays in place.  The process I’m experiencing is a gradual ability to hold the new awareness.  There seems a strong pull of gravity which attempts to return to the position of our acculturation.

Last night, during another sleepless night in which the assemblage point wobbled continually and aimed toward re-identification I saw how it’s a choice in every moment.  One can believe the thought and gravitate back toward an identity, or one can “see” or “feel” the larger field which never, ever wavers.

Other factors which help the assemblage point move to a new position may be:  releasing personal history, dropping thoughts and sitting in “what is” or silence, and acting and responding in ways which keep the original personality fresh and unpredictable.

It’s only a thought that assemblage points exist.   It’s only a thought that one moves anywhere.  All of this is simply thought, so it’s not expressing the shift of the assemblage point.  To say anything is to misrepresent what this is.

The gift of thought is that it keeps us in dream-form so we can perceive ourselves and the world from a narrow band of awareness.  Spirit actually seems to delight in its dancing forms of expression, and it’s obvious, totally shocking, to discover that we’ve been Spirit all along.


6 thoughts on “Awareness as identity

  1. How delightful, dear friend. A Rilke for you:

    Song Of The Sea

    (Capri, Piccola Marina)

    Timeless sea breezes,
    sea-wind of the night:
    you come for no one;
    if someone should wake,
    he must be prepared
    how to survive you.

    Timeless sea breezes,
    that for aeons have
    blown ancient rocks,
    you are purest space
    coming from afar…

    Oh, how a fruit-bearing
    fig tree feels your coming
    high up in the moonlight.

    Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming
    Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. I find that ‘moving’ between ‘both’ is also a creation of focus upon a chosen goal, which to me, is then a fixed point with some attempt to keep it fixed, when Indeed, life is always moving because it is. I am unsure that it is important to notice one idea but the to ignore another idea, as if it were ‘bad’. I also happen to disagree with a fixation upon the word or concept of love. I find that such definitions available for the word are not at all required for the Earth to be what it is. The concept is then irrelevant. I very much like watching you write of it and your workings within it.

    • I am back, sharing that I feel frustrated. If I try to communicate everything, I write a book on your blog. If I do not communicate, I just maybe come across as bitchy. I’m glad that I think you remember that about me Kathy. Heck, as I shift my observance place, I could probably share a bunch of times, seeing and noticing and pondering these things independently and then as if the ponderings were people, and how they all relate or do not relate. I am busy admonishing myself not to screen what I communicate and stay all stuck up in my head and to trust those around me to speak up or to provide expectations and boundaries, should they feel a need. Maybe that is the more frustrating. OOO snowflakes coming down in all of their unique patterns and styles!! So beautiful and none of them fight, that we know of, none of them want another to be uniform and so on 😀

      Waving at God!

  3. This is a very good post Kath! Coincidentally a friend came over for lunch a week ago and used a term “Absolute Identity” which equates nicely with your awareness as identity.

    It appears that there has been a recognition and realization of unity in recent years. This is the everything is awareness. The initial recognition has been integrating the bodies and minds into unity.

    Now it appears that there is a recognition happening of awareness as identity. I am awareness. It is the only me… not even that.

    Very cool that you have seen this yourself. I needed help to understand that I was recognizing this. I am not in full realization of it yet I don’t think, but I can’t really say for sure. It is weird isn’t it that it appears there is a choice to be with it. That is messing with me a bit.

    The fact that there is a world of appearances is proof of this awareness of identity. There is an immediacy to it; however, that word may not work for you. The word “worth” worked better for a friend. Whatever words work or no words may be fine.

    The simultaneous recognition of a world and awareness is the recognition and proof of what you write is how I connect. The appearances, diversity, and shifting attention, allow it to have this unconditional love for itself it seems, but I am like you in that I am opening to a fuller realization.

    I can tell you it seems like radiance is flowing out of everyone and everything. It is like they are winking at me as if to say “welcome to you!” I am loving it and I had the old feeling that I was the last one to the party.

    Thank you for sharing this because it helps to see that this is something that definitely wants to emerge and not some crazy made up thing in my head. I am more comfortable in what is happening from your sharing.

    You are good friend!

    Deep Bow!

  4. beautifully expressed! the shift of consciousness…awareness of the connection to all and how unconditional love is the pulse…allow gratitude and love to continue guiding you along this most incredible journey!


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