In direct experience it’s pretty darn hard to find that “me”, isn’t it?
In direct experience one only participates in unfolding life.
One can’t utter what participates with life, only that it’s all this-this-this. No past, no future, only now.
On the other hand, one might clearly see that it’s all “me”.
Me arises as the yellow cup filled with steaming coffee, the angry thought, the heater blowing air against legs.
Me arises as the sound of children laughing, the smell of sewage, the amazing feeling of love.
Me arises as the mistake when you opened your mouth and blabbed some inappropriate gossip, and the way you leaned down to tie that little girl’s pink shoelaces as she sobbed.
Me exists everywhere, simply everywhere! Try to find a single place where me isn’t. Am I not that tree, whipping back and forth in freezing wind? Am I not a poem trying to confound and heal the world? Am I not, literally, that waitress arriving with eggs and toast?
In direct experience it’s all me. You can’t deny it. It’s all me, everywhere you look, awareness arising without a second.
So what is it?
Is it *all me* or *not me*?
The truth is neither. The truth is both. In direct experience no words exist to describe what’s arising. So some of us, some of the time, point to the moon of it and declare “No me! No me!” But that’s as accurate as “All me! All me!”
Sometimes one position feels more useful to ponder, to encompass, in the world of thoughts. Sometimes one angle directs the energy toward no-thing-ness. At other times, Life desires to encompass all-thing-ness.
Because so many of us feel pinned like a butterfly on a display board of egos, when we first realize the direct experience which exists within/without us, we’ll often focus on the not-me perspective, grasping at the freedom it seems to imply. But it’s not any more true than its opposite, is it?
Like Yin/Yang, it shines Full/Empty.
It can’t be spoken.
Yet we speak it!
And whatever we say refuses, simply refuses, to describe it.
It’s too precious to limit itself in either concept. It can only break us open again and again and again to *what is*.