Isn’t it true that our current “yes” keeps changing?
Every day we say yes to what we desire and value. Our actions follow from that choice.
Quite often our response is almost unconscious, habitual, reactive. We respond from the grooves in our minds which attempt to provide pleasure and avoid fear and pain.
Yesterday I heard a phrase in my head: “Stay true to the deepest yes.”
That made me ponder–what is the deepest yes for me right now? With the total realization that a yes at 9 am. might be a different yes at 3 p.m.
Thinking about this resulted in a revelation that the times when I suffer often occur when following an old yes and trying to change it by saying no and not succeeding.
Did you follow that?
Do you want an example?
An impulse arises: check email. This is a groove in the brain formed from years of checking email and feeling pleasure. The impulse often arises because there is an accompanying feeling (often unconscious)of fear of emptiness arising. A not-knowing-what-to-do. A restlessness, boredom, nervousness.
I quite often just follow the impulse. End up lost in the computer, asleep in my own personality, sometimes not even aware of surroundings.
I pondered: Is this the current yes? What is the deepest yes right now?
The deepest yes right now is to listen to when Life wants to check email. When this happens, something relaxes. The “I want” isn’t in control in the same way. The email still gets checked as the day unfolds, but in a conscious way that makes the body/mind feel peaceful and calm.
The deepest yes involves pausing when the impulse arises and just sitting with it for a few moments. Determining if it’s really true…does Life want to check email? Or is it just habitual reactivity? It wants to also see clearly what is driving the impulse. Is it the phantom “me”? Is it absolutely true in this moment of 9 a.m. or is simply not true any more?
The biggest insight gained from yesterday’s pondering was this: What is the old yes? What am I saying yes to when choosing to follow the original impulse without pausing?
It became clear that I often follow the impulse because I think I am saying yes to following the flow of the moment. That it feels disruptive to pause and consider. The inner rebel dislikes interrupting the moment’s flow. It also enjoys the pleasure of connecting with others whenever it wants. It appeases loneliness, provides “something to do” and often shares in a good way.
By perceiving both the old yes and the new yes there feels like a positive continuity, a new birthing. It feels like both the children of yes are being appreciated.
The pause can be a gentle reminder, a moment of grounding, a space to see the heart’s truest desire.
Perhaps sometimes we suffer because we’re following a path which isn’t really true for us any more. It’s good to perceive the current yes.