Ridiculous to even try



It’s funny.

I rarely talk about non-duality to anyone, except on this blog.  It rarely comes up as a topic of conversation (except maybe with a friend who seems to resonate).  Years ago I talked about spirituality to everyone who cared.  My husband, kids, dozens of friends and acquaintances.  It felt integral to talk about it.

Now, all these years later, it rarely comes up in everyday conversation.  Even with close friends it’s impossible to articulate. My husband probably doesn’t even know the term non-duality.  Earlier this summer I met someone who actually knew the language of Oneness and we attempted to talk around the edges of it.  It’s truly impossible to speak. Yet speaking sometimes arises.

It feels much preferable to live it.  Simply to be it.  To be with the person to whom you’re speaking, sensing the intimacy of our connection.  To see the thoughts attempting to explain the interaction, doing what the Mind does.  To witness emotions rising in the field of non-separation.  To perhaps find oneself suddenly totally identified with a personality.  To, in the next moment, experience a knowing that awareness is Joy.  To realize–I AM THIS JOY which never ends, even when we seemingly forget it. To watch Life reaching compulsively for something through your hand.  Thinking you’re that separate person reaching compulsively.  To witness judgments arise. To watch Life reaching non-compulsively and deliberately toward something else. To notice that no judgments appear. And then watching another person walk across the room and you suddenly FEEL that person’s steps, the way you are the dream which contains that person and the room and the person we call “me”.

How in the world can one talk about this?  Impossible.  Ridiculous to even try. 

And yet, sometimes, Life just starts talking or writing about it. Sometimes for days in a row.  Life blooms it into another mental concept, perhaps just for the space of a blog post.  Just for the fun of it.  Or just for the seeming separate self that wants to play at another explanation, even though it’s no more or less true than a finger pointing toward the moon. 

I have liked this little blog–Simply Here–because it tries to paint a picture of the internal world of life expressing through what seems like Kathy.  This gestures toward what I truly am. Which is the same thing you are.  Life may care to explore that through you, are it doesn’t give a damn because it’s having too much fun simply being you. 

If we sat together across a table we’d probably never speak of it.  Why bother?  Maybe we’d talk about hiking instead, or how we’re feeling about such-and-such or isn’t it sad about Ebola? Unless Life insisted.  And then we’d speak about Oneness until the words dissolved like honey in the tea cup, like we’d never said anything, and perhaps we’d toast:  To Life.  L’Chaim!  (If Life was feeling particularly humorous, perhaps we’d wink.)



12 thoughts on “Ridiculous to even try

    • Thank you, Deb, I am smiling and chuckling a little. I never even feel like I’m blogging over here. Something is happening maybe–but it doesn’t feel like blogging. Isn’t that odd? Thank you for sharing that. Hope all is well with you.

  1. i also enjoy your blog Kathy, and the eloquent way you share…this is one way we connect in our individualized human experience, knowing instinctively we are all one in the same within…Namaste

  2. I think that’s one reason we have the term “Amen” and its equivalents, LOL! Amen, Kathy.

    And I think you’ve hit on something that resonates within me as to why I’ve never actually called you. I always felt “What would we talk about?” Well, there’s shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and cabbages, and kings, LOL!!!

    The words once drifted in my mind, when it was contemplating why this seemingly separate experience-realm exists, with all its goals, motives, problems, concerns: “Something to care about.” That sort of summed up, for me, why Life IS, if there is a why, which only a mind needs, but that perspective “Ah, now I have something to care about, something to want to create, in other words,” has smoothed many a rough spot in life, for me. Infinite Creative Power creates, but creating something that cares about something, is WAYfun !!!!! Even what we regard as horrors, is “something to care about” whether we want it or not.

    Bleh. Yeh. Words.

    This morning, I got on a deeper level than ever before, that our embodiments are shifting REALITIES. Not just moving into new sets of beliefs, even into new identities or expanded awareness. We, at least many of us, are embodiments living in what appears to be “out there reality” and we just jumped timelines or whatever. So same embodiment, but the “rules of reality” are actually different now.
    THAT’s not a conversation I’m going to have with many, LOL!!!!

    So much love to/for/as YOU!

    • I enjoyed reading your comment last night right before bed, and again right now. It is the weirdest feeling when we think we have nothing to say–you even know you have nothing to say–and then start talking (or writing) and a thousand words come out! Very strange indeed.

      Am thinking about your perspective of “something to care about”. Will ponder that some more. Another friend once said it was about “creativity” to her.

      It’s also interesting how we can keep getting things on deeper levels all the time. I, too, have seemingly understood about the different realities. (In fact a couple weeks ago did so.)

      Love back atcha!

  3. Years ago during my spiritual seeking (way before blogging), I had no one to talk to about Oneness. I dove deep inside to have spiritual experiences of Oneness. I wanted so desperately to find others who understood It too. People in my life actually called me “religious,” when I felt quite the opposite of what that word implies. I talked a lot about Oneness and many of the things you discuss. Those people in my life got sick of my “talk” and wanted it to stop. Too bad I didn’t know you then.

    I don’t know what it is, but I’m not so concerned about “talking” about it anymore. I’d like to say that I live the Oneness, but that is so difficult to do. I tell myself that it’s okay to just be aware, and (my very favorite line you wrote above), maybe Life doesn’t give a damn because It’s having too much fun simply being me. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this, Kathy.

    • Yep, we could have had some really interesting conversations back then, Lori. Prior to 2003 I was deep deep into spirituality but not along the lines of Oneness until after that. More into dreaming and shamanism and “states of awareness” back then.

      I know what you mean about how difficult it seems to live the Oneness. It feels so easy to get “trapped” in thoughts, emotions, beliefs. Being able to be present with emotions has been huge in helping me stay more in the present moment. It is literally amazing how repressed emotions actually run our lives so much more than we even think. And it seems they just keep on comin’ to the surface…

      Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and am smiling at your amusement about Life not giving a damn.

  4. Oh yes, Kathy, I was into many spiritual ideas back then. I came into Oneness slowly. I’m so glad you are able to be present with your emotions. I still try to figure them out. But, it is what it is, until it’s something else. 😛

  5. Kathy, I’ve been wanting to comment on your posts here for a while now but was having laptop problems and then was filling my time with being with the little one.

    I have that experience with non-duality, that it’s impossible to articulate, even though I do try once in a while when people ask me where I am on my spiritual journey now. But you do a wonderful job writing about it!

    Being with my granddaughter for the first few weeks of her life has been a wonder-filled adventure. I kept thinking how we fall into stories and cling to them, but a newborn seems to me to be pure awareness. There is no story there, she doesn’t even have words! But she observes everything and is aware of hunger, warmth, discomfort, pleasure, sounds – all sensations without labels or stories. She doesn’t feel embarrassment or shame. I’d even dare to say she doesn’t judge. When will she start to feel like a differentiated and unique person? Or, as Joan Tollifson describes it, encapsulated?

    Skål, my friend!

    • Barbara, how interesting to be observing a newborn in relation to awareness and perceiving the pure observation. I have read–somewhere–that we begin our differentiation as we learn to speak and then a huge shift occurs somewhere around age four. It is fascinating, isn’t it? So happy that you have your new little grandbaby to love.

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