So you know how non-dual folks say things like “There is no separate self” and our separate selves wrinkle our noses and try to figure it out logically? We puzzle and fuss and kick up some dirt and attempt to rationalize what the heck that sentence means.
Then some of our minds set to the task of not only figuring this out–but applying it! Thus we attempt to figure out how to fix our separate selves and spend the next sixteen years tweaking and changing and attempting to make our separate selves less separate.
Oh-my-goodness, it’s an endless merry-go-round! (One should not say anything about non-duality to our separate self for so many of us will rush in with ego’s tools to create the latest desire: a non-separate self.)
Seventeen teachers from every walk of existence have uttered: “It’s not about fixing the separate self” and I would read and hear that sentence and think “Yep, you’re right. No, you’re wrong. Yep, you may have a point. Forget you–I HAVE to fix all my compulsions and cravings asap!”
Depending on the day, month or year I would listen respectfully and agree, or assertively and disagree.
The mind continued its agenda of attempting to fix and heal and la-de-da, all the while seemingly knowing, “There is no separate self”.
We all know it’s one thing for the mind to understand non-separation. (Or think it understands.) It’s another thing entirely when the understanding hits the little toe. When it arrives at the gall bladder. When it informs your next step toward the kitchen, or bathroom, or computer.
When the literal understanding–there is no separate self--finally begins to penetrate through one’s thick skull. (Some of our skulls may be thicker than others. Mine has been particularly thick.)
THERE IS NO SEPARATE SELF!
This is huge, folks. (Hey, there’s no separate YOU, either!)
The minute you type that sentence you see how ridiculous it is. How the separate self will try to create a new reality from that assertion. A new rigid belief in non-separation. Or it will fight with it. How it will attempt to figure it out. How it will pour the living reality of twinkling movement into a cemented belief and attempt to live from that instead of the twinkles.
And how OK that is! Because it’s just Life doing what it does. Life is doing what it does! (I have typed this sentence eighteen times in the last decade and barely understood it, even though the mind had it wrapped up in Christmas paper ready to eagerly deliver to the next seemingly separate self. Heck, my separate self may not understand it tomorrow. And that’s OK! Because it’s not about you and me. It’s about us. And we are the ocean, the Universe, the spinning planets and the tiniest ant crawling beneath sneakers.) We are about life twinkling and moving and flowing and singing itself into apparently separate shapes when it’s really an unbroken whole, an infinite unspeakable mystery.
This heart is singing in delight and it may be crying in frustration with total by 10 a.m. and it’s all OK–because it’s not what/who I am.