Last night a friend expressed her anger at another friend. I listened, my stomach and chest knotting in dismay. Later my friend said, “I dislike people who aren’t honest about who they like and don’t like.”
I awoke at 5 a.m. thinking about this, trying to puzzle out something coming to the surface. It is clear that if an emotional reaction arises that something is knocking at the doorway, a piece of the puzzle waiting to reveal itself. It’s as if awareness wishes to clarify itself.
What did awareness want to illuminate?
When we say, “I don’t like such-and-such or so-and-so” and there’s an inner emotional contraction, that can feel like truth to us. It is an imminent immediate truth. Sometimes, those of us with more positive proclivities, refuse to allow this truth, labeling it “negativity”. We proceed to feel negative about negativity, refusing to allow this truth of self-expression its existence.
I realized this morning that there is an imminent honesty in negative expression. The person refuses to repress her dislike. She feels the revelation is true and real and honest in the moment. I have not seen this clearly until now.
What is also true is that awareness need not stop with a negative projection. There is a deeper truth, a deeper honesty incubating in that revelation.
“I do not like so-and-so,” we say to ourselves, expressing our truth-of-the-moment.
What is the deeper truth?
The deeper truth may require patient, gentle and loving presence. It may be accessed through inquiry or grace or divination. The deeper truth peers into the contraction of dislike to discover hidden gems.
Our natural state of awareness is very open and compassionate. It allows existence to express itself–without exception. The eyes and ears and smells of awareness love by allowing life to express everything, even death. Even everything our judgments attempt to fight.
The holy moment of the now is a cornucopia of spirit. Life materializes endlessly, like the flow of a river. When we resist this flow, something hurts. We feel this as contraction.
“I do not like that,” we say honestly.
The deeper truth wonders why. Why are we resisting this expression of life? We can stay at the level of honesty of this revelation, or we can inquire toward the roots of our dislike.
As we peer inward, wondering, wondering, different answers may arise. Different feelings appear. The spiritual journey invites us to penetrate our resistance with compassion. What can’t we see due to the blinders of our own limited perception? What further truths evade us because our honesty hasn’t reached the root?
As seemingly separate individuals, we often divide the world into “me” and “other”. In the natural state of direct experience it often becomes clear that this division is arbitrary and conditioned. We are taught to view ourselves as separate beings. That becomes our truth at one level of the human journey.
When we begin to recognize the oneness of perception, the indivisibility, of “us” and “other” we realize that so many judgments against another actually reveals something about what we can’t yet embrace in the now, in this sacred moment.
There actually is no separate “I” and no separate “other” as we delve deeper and deeper into the truth. There is only flow or awareness revealing itself.
“I do not like that person,” can be heard in a very soft way, realizing the honesty inherent in that expression. It also can be seen as a beginning path of honesty. To walk deeper and deeper into ourselves to discover where we dislike ourselves, where we turn away from compassion, where we refuse to feel pain, reveals negativity as a path toward revelation.
What truth do we proclaim? What honesty do we adhere? Do we continue to move into hidden pain, teasing it to the surface of consciousness, asking softly for it to dissolve what we don’t like into the pool of understanding, of love?
So often we pause at a level of honesty and truth establishing it as our new belief. But an invitation always exists to follow the river of truth deeper into the forest. Every moment holds a new opportunity, doesn’t it?
Perhaps life never finishes revealing new truths about itself, new possibilities of awareness.